Carnal Zen

I recently read that the original definition of “virgin”  was “a woman complete unto herself”.

Some days, most days really, I am strong, confident and seemingly complete.  Other days feel desperate and I want to wrap myself around peoples legs, refusing to let go and begging for reassurance.  I wish I could say I manage it gracefully, that I never pout , that I don’t have moments of self loathing…even though i know better.  Today is one of those days. 

What pulls me out of days like this are my people.  MY people don’t need scheduled plans to come over nor do I need their permission to forage in their refrigerator.  But I keep moving or they do.  Over and over I seperate myself from those brick and mortar people I need the most when life is the hardest…the people that complete me when I cannot complete myself. 

I may not be a virgin in either sense of the word.  Completeness for me comes from sharing myself with others - even when it hurts.

It was a lovely birthday bash.  Outdoors on the river there were twinkling christmas lights, champagne toasts and a roasted pig.  Friends and acquaintances laughed and took pictures as enthusastically as Japanese tourists.  Laugther and polite conversations were heard all around.

As my friend K would say “and then there were shots…”  Mate had driven which somehow justified my devouring of slippery cherry flavored vodka infused jello shots.  As the night progressed liberties were taken.  I should have seen the moment coming when I had smoked a cigarrette or very possibly when the birthday boy was sandwiched on the dance floor.  I didn’t. 

Instead, when I found myself face to face with my friends ex - who recently put the kibash on their wedding I took the opportunity to provide a friendly ”education” on what a collosal mistake he had made.  I effused over what a fabulous, smart, funny and perfect a woman he had let slip away. 

Classy. 

By the end of the night - the apple shoved in the mouth of the pig carcass had been replaced with a beer bottle.  People had gone “missing”, the floor had become sticky.  It was time to go.

When it comes to unsolicited advice and jello shots - less is ALWAYS more!

After yoga today I decided to train on the treadmill to break in my new sneakers.  (Note use of the word “Sneakers” - not to be confused with “tennis shoes” or even “runners” - I am still a NY native)  My gym has just installed these FANASTIC new machines that do everything but massage your feet.  You can set it to “nature trail” and watch a screen that looks like you’re running outdoors, plug in your iPod, or watch the football game.  After your workout, you can save your results by plugging in a USB.  FANCY SCHMANCY stuff but what I like the most - is that you’re directly in front of the window.

About a mile in - doubts and excuses started whispering that I’d set too big a goal, had too much to drink last night, etc.  Almost immediately my right ankle began to hurt.  Still mentally blissed out from class with the worlds greatest yoga instructor - I just laughed, raised my gaze into the clouds and kept running.  The voices quickly faded along with the ankle pain.

Negative thoughts are like misbehaving children - they just want attention.  Attention whether good or bad is self reinforcing.  Since we can’t always be in post-yoga mindset here are a quick 20 tips I’m sharing from our friends over at Life Optimizer.  Not every tip applies to every situation but they are all good to keep in the toolbox

1.  Realize that you only hurt yourself with negative thoughts. Don’t let them trick you.

2.  Decide that you will live your day with happiness and not let negative thoughts steal it.

3.  Look at yourself in the mirror and say, “I’m a positive person. I won’t let negative thoughts control me”

 4.  Read positive quotes. You can go to Quotations Page or ThinkExist and browse the topics. Or, if you

want random quotes, you can go to Random Quotations.

5.  Never say negative words in your conversation.

6.  Change the tone of your thoughts from negative to positive. For example, instead of thinking “This problem is too difficult” think “This problem is cool and challenging”.

7.  If you think negatively about someone, remember positive things about that person. Shift your attention to the positive side.

8.  Smile. It’s more difficult to think negatively when you are smiling.

9.  Walk and act confidently. Good body language helps you have good thoughts.

10.  Pray or meditate. Spiritual peace and calmness is among the most effective ways to overcome negative thoughts.

11.  Gather with positive people. Be careful not to choose the wrong people or the situation will only get worse.

12.  Take a nap so that you will wake up with a fresh mind.

13.  Read an inspiring book. Spiritual books often do well.

14.  Go out and appreciate the beauty of the world around you.

15.  Sing a cheerful song.

16.  Make yourself comfortable with failure. Failure is the stepping stone to success, so don’t be afraid to

fail.

17.  Have realistic expectation. Accept the fact that people could make mistakes since nobody is perfect.

18.  If you think negatively about a situation, decide that you won’t give up even if the worst happens. Prove yourself to be a tough opponent.

19.  Accept yourself and be comfortable in who you are. You can’t be perfect but neither can anyone else.

20.  Shift the focus away from yourself and do good to others.

We won.

By “we” I don’t mean Democrats.

I don’t mean Obama supporters.

I mean Americans.

About 100 million of them who got up and voted- no matter which candidates or amendments they supported.

The very first thing I am going to do to celebrate, is remove the political bumper sticker from my car. It is no longer serving its purpose.  Devotion to others whether they be lovers, friends or your fellow citizens requires abandon of the ego and all it’s vices- including pride.

Unity comes from humility and grace. Sending love and gratitude to EVERY American today!

I’ve made no secret who I voted for.  I’d do it again and again with confidence.  In truth, although I have a strong preference for one candidate over another it’s important to not lose focus.

Our election process.  Our right to vote.  Our need to have that vote counted is the foundation for democracy.  Democracy doesn’t work with apathy.  If you have not yet gone, please, go VOTE.

My true wish is for a happy and healthy election day that goes smoothly, nomatter who wins - and restores hope in Americans and unity in the world.