Carnal Zen

Mich commented on my last post today.  My words, my thoughts were confirmations she was waiting on from the universe.  I was thrilled today to hear I’d been a conduit.  A muse.  I wish her the VERY best in her exciting new endeavor in whatever form it takes.

Now, back to me.  An hour after getting that comment from Mich, I started unwinding from the day.  Corona in one hand, mouse in the other.  BAM.  Just like that I stumbled upon a blog with the exact words I’d been trying to muster all day.  I read it twice.  I called a girlfriend and read it to her.    

All day I had tried to find a path from resentment to acceptance.  I resent the repeated delays that have kept Mate away.   I resent his employers who are empowered to let him come home but are too consumed with selfish needs.  I resent the minutes, days and months spent apart (even though I have lived them fully).  I don’t resent Mate.  We are in this together.  If I had known before what I know now, I would not have chosen any differently.  So there I was.  Deliberately trying to rise above, to find some path that could keep both our spirits up as we wait and I discovered these words, quoted on this blog:

It is not a surrendering of self. But rather, a time when you scramble a bit to find your footing, and then stand in your own power and look the Vast Beast in the eye and say, “I choose this.” I choose this thing that can both protect me and tear me apart; that can and will bring me my most enthralling joys and my most excruciating and unanticipated pain. I choose the risk. I choose the possibility of endings. I chose to be as simpatico as old souls and to be equally, heartrendingly misunderstood. I choose to be at intervals rashly taken advantage of and unexpectedly worshipped. I choose this terror and this beauty. I choose love.
–Rachelle Mee Chapman

Did you know that when used as a noun the word inspiration is defined as: both divine guidance and as the act of breathing in?  Breathe it in.  Breathe.    Love to all my muses!

This entry was posted on Thursday, September 25th, 2008 at 8:59 pm and is filed under Emotions & Roadblocks. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.